Ten Types of Flatmates You Find at Uni

By Alice Priestley

If there’s one thing to expect when starting uni, it’s that you’ll meet a huge range of weird and wonderful people. The first few weeks are undoubtedly the most sociable time at uni, and so it’s the optimum time to really get to know who you’re living with. Here are a list of the characters you’re most likely to find as a flatmate.

1. The Masterchef

As soon as you see the organic olives sitting on the middle shelf of the fridge, you know you’ve got a Jamie Oliver on your hands. They’re the one who make the most elegant Lobster Thermidor, made from scratch, complete with a trifle, look effortless. You stand in a pool of self-pity knowing that the best you can do is toasted crumpets.

2. The Self-Proclaimed DJ

One thing which makes pre-drinks is the music. The race to claim the AUX cable will happen, and they will try to make their taste rub off on you. Though they will stop for an occasional chug of whatever they’re drinking, their prime concern will be that, God forbid, their iPod does not accidentally play any chart-related music.

3. The Lightweight

There’s always one who just can’t even handle a glass of diluted Caribbean Twist. The sight of vomit becomes standard, feeding them bread has become a hobby and you’ve already got the taxi’s number on speed dial. Bless them though; you’ll have to get used to their apologies and heartfelt expressions of how much they love you.

4. The Photographer

This person, at any given opportunity, be it in the laundry room or someone boiling an egg, will be there, flash on full. Don’t judge them too quickly, as you’ll be thanking them later for having evidence of you actually pulling that 9/10! And of course, capturing the pointless moments which actually turned out to be priceless memories.

5. The One who Refuses to Wash Up

Those inflicted will become familiar with the classic dilemma. You can’t ask them to clean because you don’t want to seem bossy, but you can’t let your kitchen turn into a dirt-ridden dump. They’ll go to any length to avoid touching the crusty leftover cottage pie, including buying disposable crockery.

6. The Obsessive Cleaner

These people are a Godsend. Although they may get their knickers in a twist over a lone chip you left on the counter top, it just means you have less cleaning to do! Watch out if they start to go crazy with the Mr. Muscle or if your food starts to taste like bleach…

7. The ‘Lad’

Usually a male, you will hear (and probably smell) them before you see them. Try to avoid their unbreakable headlocks and, to preserve your hearing, be aware of their constant booming chanting: ‘YAYA, TOURE KOLO’ (etc.) on nights out.

8. The Northerner

It could take months to understand what they’re actually saying, and you’ll never get how one can have so many different words for a sandwich. And there’s no escape; you will catch onto their odd expressions of ‘eh’ and get addicted to gravy.

9. The Perv

99% of the time, this one has been confined in a single-sex boarding school before coming to uni. They’re useless at reading body language and will try to creep on you at any given moment, no matter how much you try to avoid them!

1. The Mother Hen

She’s the only one who’s brought a first-aid kit, checks everyone’s got their wallets and looks after everyone. If you are ever in need of anything, she’s your lady – appreciate her, she’ll be the one holding your hair back and going home with your sick on her shoes!