To My Younger Self

Label volunteer Lucie Lewis sends herself (and our readers) some advice to keep believing in yourself.

So, it’s 2019. Yikes, right?

So much happened in 2018, I don’t even know how to sum it up for you. You’re probably super excited right now. It’ll be your last Christmas at home before you start uni. You’ve got so much to learn.

You think you know everything. You think the world is yours for the taking. You’re sad and scared and let me tell you, you’re going to continue being sad and scared for a long time. Things aren’t just going to solve themselves because you’re not at home anymore. In fact, things are going to get so much worse before they get better.

It’s not all doom and gloom, though. 2019 has just started and you – we – have achieved so much. I’m proud of us.

You met some amazing people over the course of the past few years, you’ve done things you wouldn’t have dreamed of doing in 2017.

So here’s some advice. Heed it, because if you do, my life will be so much easier.

1. That boy who says he’ll make you feel better, says he’ll let you into his heart, says he’ll take your wounds and stitch them, don’t believe him. It’s a lie. It’s always a lie. But you’ll see someone for the first time, after some turbulent times, and they’ll make the air breathable again. They’re different, and sad and scared too. This one, this is the only good decision you’ll make in the latter half of 2018. Make it.
2. The parts of you that you hate right now? Yeah, you’ll still hate them, don’t worry. But you’ve learned to care for them. Now, whenever there’s a part of you that you decide you don’t like, you aggressively care for it. Your nails flake and shatter and ache? Good news, cuticle oil and glass nail files exist! You’ll become obsessed with nail care. It’s fun. Please learn this sooner. Learn to love the skin you’re in. It’s something I’m still working on, so give it a head start.
3. The loneliness will get easier. Your first term at uni will sting, but it will get easier. I promise. You’ll get better at being alone. Learn to take yourself on dates, learn to love the ringing in your ears and the feeling of being alive. Being alone is a remarkable thing. You don’t need anyone else to succeed.
4. Christ alive, stop being so bothered by everything. When the person that drives you up the walls walks in the room and starts spouting absolute nonsense, just leave the room. Ignore it. Practice mindfulness. Learn that a sharp inhale through the nose and an exhale through the mouth is often dismissed as a minor change in breathing, but learn that it helps. Start stepping back, look at things objectively. You don’t need to get so personally involved in everything.
5. Learn to let go. In this life, there are some things you just have to accept. He never loved you, you were never her best friend like she was yours, sourdough bread is glorious but not worth the money. Accept it. Move on.

There you go, that’s my wisdom for you, from this point in my – our – life. Oh, by the way, you’re bi now. Well, still. But it’s uni, so you can tell people. Wild, right? Guess what? Nobody cares. It’s not a big deal here. Isn’t that awesome? Be yourself, kid. Be unapologetically you.

Featured image by: Amie Woodyatt