The Five People You Meet On A Night Out In The Union

1.      The Course Acquaintance

You know that they’re on your course. You know that you’ve definitely had a seminar together. You know that you’ve probably only spoken to them twice. But when you’re out suddenly you find yourself reacting as if you’ve known each other your whole life, and that you suddenly you feel like such a fool for not spending more time together, and going to the library together, and confiding in them etc etc etc. You share a moment when Mr. Brightside starts playing, and envision them giving a toast at your wedding.

You later see each other again, and you smile and laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, “you both go to the same Uni, do the same course, and happen to be out on the same night. Madness!” You depart, and promise to see them in your next seminar.

Warning: When you’re next in a room together you probably will have forgotten their name, will avoid eye contact and pretend you weren’t doing sambuca shots together.

2.      The One From Back Home

At least you know this ones name, or remember when their name on Bebo was followed by ‘2k8Xxx’. You acknowledge one another with a nod, or a brief hug. You witnessed their awkward Emo phase, they witnessed you give a terrible speech in assembly. It’s best to probably move on and let each other do their own separate thing at Uni.

Reminder: You both made it through the trying times of High School, so it’s probably best not to mention the fact that you “remember when they had really black hair and wore loads of eyeliner” in front of their new flat mates.

3.      The One You Thought You Knew

You flash them a winning smile and are about to go in for the hug, when suddenly you see the confusion in their eyes. They don’t know you, but you definitely thought you knew them. The hours spent facebook stalking, and swiping right on Tinder mixed with JägerBombs momentarily led you to believe that the stranger standing opposite you was a friend. It’s awkward, and the fact that Fusion is currently playing “Call Me Maybe” doesn’t help your situation.

Top Tip: It is all about the recovery. Pretend you were acknowledging the person behind them, start to dance, or go in for the hug anyway and then quickly make your exit…

4.      The One Visiting From A Much Better Uni

This one will let you know how wonderful their Uni is in comparison to Loughborough, and will constantly say “I’m just visiting a friend”. They will let you know repeatedly how much better the night life is in their city, and how many wonderful and exciting things are on offer for them where they’re from, “unlike Loughborough”. You nod and smile, safe in the knowledge that you will probably see them singing their heart out on the balcony, and are certain that they tweeted “looking forward to a night in lufbra with my boys! #LS LLLLLLSU”.

5.      The One Who Just Wants Pappa Si’s.

This one is alone, sad, cold, angry, and still very, very drunk. They let you know repeatedly how much they want their cheesy chips, and you witness them trying to haggle for free chicken nuggets, with their constant pleas of “Come on mate, just give them to me” looking as if they’ll never end. They loose their ticket for their food, and it tips them over the edge. You bid them farewell and end your night with Loughborough’s popular cuisine of deliciousness’ supplied by the great Pappa Si’s.

Louise Burt