Chanté Joseph has sparked an Internet-wide debate with her article for British Vogue. Titled ‘Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?’ she questions the shift in women’s eagerness to indulge in the dating scene. Women from all walks of life have responded to Joseph, some engaging only with the headline and arguing that embarrassment depends on the choice of boyfriend, but others agreeing with the wider point made. This is a complex issue, but it’s one that needs to be talked about if we have any hope of making relationships a more appealing prospect for women. Half of the population being reluctant to engage with the other sex will only increase loneliness, decline birth rates, and overall lack of societal progress, so it’s important discourse to be spoken about.
Joseph’s article observes young women’s changing attitudes towards men and heterosexual dating. Having your life (and social media content) revolve around your boyfriend is no longer a status symbol and has become a sign of desperation and shallowness. Even among women in happy relationships, there is much greater emphasis now on a boyfriend being an optional extra that enriches your life but does not bring inherent value. This could stem from the other ways society has changed – modern women mostly work, particularly younger generations, and so a man must bring more than just financial security to the table to be considered worth someone’s time. Overall, Joseph’s main takeaway is that single hood is no longer a curse for most women, and some find it the more desirable option than an unfulfilling relationship. And she’s not the only one to think that way.
The social media response to this has been varied to say the least. Some women, clearly having only heard the title, started a trend of posting their boyfriends and defiantly stating that it would never be embarrassing. Others agreed with Joseph’s observations and used examples of relationships that have ended to show that a woman can never trust that they won’t be subjected to humiliation if she publicly ties her branding to a man. The current political climate should also be considered – women don’t want to spend time around men who are misogynistic or objectifying, and the widespread support for more conservative causes that are actively working to strip women’s rights has forced a more protective mindset on the modern woman. As one TikTok comment stated, ‘we can’t choose our coworkers and bosses, and their sexism alone is exhausting. If dating is like that as well, I don’t want it.’ Regardless of any one person’s opinion, the sheer volume of responses the article has sparked clearly shows how much this topic has resonated with people.
So much so that Joseph has released a follow-up article embracing the response and elaborating on her central point. She echoes her earlier sentiment of heterofatalism, stating that the misogyny within our society is leading to a complete rejection of a dynamic that has allowed society to progress for centuries. Most importantly, she emphasises that the article was not demonising love, and she in fact hopes for change to allow women to be more comfortable dating and finding partners. But as it stands, the current situation is simply not good enough for most of us to think it worth bothering – and that will be a problem if it continues. Right now, the idea of love at any cost is one we are turning down. Clearly, something has to change. And the only way that will happen is if these wider conversations are had.
