Drunk you vs Sober you


Alice Priestley

Though alcohol actually decreases our brain cells, we still insist on convincing ourselves we are wiser than ever after a few dirty pints. Deep chats and motivational speeches in the toilet, the demand for greasy food on the walk home and bambi legs are a common occurrence when we’re all a bit merry. Here are some points on what is normal, and what our brains deem acceptable after one too many ‘bevs’.

So You Think You can Sing

A couple jägerbombs down, you solidly believe you sound like Leona Lewis at the X Factor final. Instead, you just sound like a troubled seagull with a chronic throat infection. Classic.

I’m rich!

When checking your purse the morning after, and finding nothing but a stray chip and a few 5ps, you know you definitely drew out that 20. Drunk brain convinces you that you don’t need money anyway, and a takeaway later on is of much higher significance.

Throwing those Shapes

It doesn’t matter what song comes on, you think you’ve got the dancing prowess of Louis Spence and the flexibility of an octopus. As ‘Twerking’ and ‘Shuffling’ have moulded their way into fashion, there’s much more to keep up with – get a few drinks down you and go from there!


An absolute necessity for those wishing to dodge a hangover. The only requirement is that it’s cheap, nasty and something you’d never dream of eating in the day.

Snapchat Story Queen

After all, who wouldn’t want to see video after video of flashing lights, blurry images and blaring music? When the little number starts to hit 200 seconds, you might want to take it easy – not everyone wants to know about the bouncer ‘Colin’ who just became your best mate.

Work the Next Day

There’s always the turmoil of missing out on fun, or turning up to work still off your head, or as I like to say, ‘Anne-Boleyned’. When you do decide to go out, pre drinks makes your mind up for you. When you’re out, you lose all sense of time and end up with 4 hours’ sleep. With half a kebab hanging off the end of your bedside table, and a banging headache, you end up having a mere half hour to get to work, in which you swear you’ll never drink again.

Messaging your Ex

This always seems a good idea, no matter how many times your friends try to stop you. Sometimes, we can become particularly ‘emosh’ after a few too many, and your drunken words of wisdom only end up with you being totally mortified the morning after. When hungover, there is not much worse than ‘read but not replied’, especially if it’s your ex.

So there you have it. If you’re feeling a bit horrified after reading this, or relate to some (or all) of the scenarios, have this in mind the next time you’re pouring your next pint!


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