Top 10 types of drunk

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Elizabeth Fedorowycz looks at the ten types of drunk that men and women can be: 

Top 10 Drunken Men

  1. The Aggressive One- this guy will start a fight over almost anything, whether it’s to parade around his muscles or show off to a girl (we’re not impressed) – so it’s best to steer clear of him once he’s had a few beers.
  2. The Alcoholic-To-Be- you’ll often find this fellow sitting quietly in a corner, absolutely content with his good friend, whiskey. He can usually hold a lot of liquor and isn’t shy to day drink, but this guy is one of the BEST people to have a deep and meaningful conversation with at three in the morning.
  3. The Gentleman- this sweetheart is just a cheerful, kind-hearted guy that sticks with you and brings everyones’ moods up! He’s a top friend and the best wingman but if the tables turn he’ll always be around to ward off the inevitable creeper by pretending to be your boyfriend.
  4. The Creeper- following on from this, there is always that guy who lingers around the bar and preys on vulnerable club-goers. He may be perfectly pleasant in everyday life, but in his drunken state, a shameless new personality comes out… Oh, and if you’ve never witnessed one, it’s probably you.
  5. The Messy one- this LAD isn’t fazed by any amount of alcohol, and unless he ends up dead, he is convinced that it was a ‘sick’ night out…look out for a guy stealing cones and streaking through the streets.
  6. The Big Spender- regardless of whether he can afford it or not, this guy is always up for buying the next round, and will never miss an opportunity to flash the cash. All for shots and shots for all!
  7. The Tequila Tortoise- this wonderful man will usually live a quiet and innocent existence, but when the alcohol arrives, he comes out of his shell. He’ll either turn into a hare-brained wild cat, a smooth talking sex machine or a total menace to society.
  8. The Sad One- keep this poor guy away from his phone, as he’s the type to call his ex, weeping uncontrollably into the voicemail. If this doesn’t happen, you’ll find him moping in the corner with your alcoholic friend.
  9. The Womaniser- this silver-tongued devil knows every cheesy pick up line in the book, and manages to spice up everyone’s night with his charming smile and cheeky wink- leaving many of those he comes into contact with a little weak at the knees.
  10. The Adorkable One- your young friend (the McLovin of the group) is utterly endearing. He’s amazed by alcohol and is such a lightweight that he rarely even makes it out, and when he does he is always asked for ID.

Top 10 Drunken Women

  1. The Sexual One- this one barely looks at a drink before staring to grind her way towards the dance floor. She gives off an air of playful confidence and isn’t afraid to whip her hair back and forth as she embraces her inner beast.
  2. The Mother- otherwise known as your sensible friend, she often isn’t a fan of drinking at all. If she is, she’s always keeping an eye on your group, making sure that everyone’s safe and holding their hair back when the time comes to it.
  3. The Over-Emotional One- she can go one of two ways. She either decides that she really loves everyone, and will let them know at every chance she gets- paired with hugs and kisses of course- OR she will breakdown and crumple into a snotty mess, vaguely resembling The Joker when the night is over.
  4. The Big Drinker- this girl is either convinced that she ‘isn’t that drunk’ or is one of the rare genuine heavyweights that can drink everyone under the table. A stubborn one, she’ll match the boys, or die trying.
  5. The Chunder Queen- without fail, this girl will be revealing what she had for dinner to the entirety of the party. If you’re lucky, it’ll be in a more inventive way than the last time, where she projectile vomited up the wall.
  6. The ‘Kiss and Run’ Girl- this flirt has no desire to go home with you, she just occasionally may partake in a little drunken snog. Don’t take it to heart, I’m sure you’re lovely, but she doesn’t want a one-night stand, so her only logical option is to sneak away and run for the hills.
  7. The Fighter- a brilliant person to have to your defence if a conflict ever arose, this scrappy gal will take on anyone that looks at her the wrong way. Just make sure that you’re not on her bad side when she starts to get aggressive, or things could turn ugly.
  8. The Magician’s Assistant- this girl is inevitably going to perform her famous disappearing act, as she does whenever she’s drunk. Easily distracted and extremely impulsive, you can’t take your eye off her for a second…but don’t worry too much, she always finds her way back!
  9. The Dancing Queen- this carefree, fun loving girl is simply out to spend time with her friends and DANCE. She may be awkward, ungainly and have two left feet, but when the music starts she’ll shamelessly bust out all the moves, and won’t care who sees.
  10. The Clumsy One- not the most graceful even when sober, so you don’t need much of an imagination to picture her after a few. The good thing to remember as you see her become her usual uncoordinated, gawky self is that she bounces back pretty well so you (probably) won’t end up visiting her in the hospital.

    Elizabeth Fedorowycz

 

 

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